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Constant togetherness is fine…for Siamese twins.

It finally happened.

I was afraid it would.

We had been fortunate. Side by side. Through thick and thin, weathering the turbulence as many have before us.

Maybe it was inevitable, maybe it was fate.

Maybe we didn’t get our tickets in time.

Separated from The Sweetheart at 30,000 ft. After 36 years of blissful togetherness.

Make that twice in the same trip separated. We will go backward with this one and talk about the second flight first.

Because we can.

Heading down the aisle of the Airbus 330, I was not excited one bit that I was in the middle section of the plane. The good part was that I had the aisle and The Sweetheart was, sort of, across from me, up just a wee bit but basically across from each other. He also had the aisle seat. (Now for all of you thinking this wasn’t separation, you just do not know me. I have overcome many fears over the last five years of flying but I have always had my security blanket, a.k.a., The Sweetheart, right beside me.) He was there if I had questions such as, but not limited to:

• Why is the plane making that noise?

• Did the landing gear not come down?

• Can we crash because of turbulence?

• Turn my air up. Turn my air down. (My arms are too short to reach it for crying out loud!)

• Are you getting a Coke? With ice? Are you going to ask for ice? You ask first. (European flight attendants do not smile when you ask for ice. Spoiled Americans.)

• Are you going to the bathroom? Yes, you are going to the bathroom because I need to go and I refuse to lock the door in an airplane bathroom for fear of getting stuck for the next eight hours inside that torture chamber. (No, we do not go in together. He stands outside as if waiting his turn but his real job is to make sure no one else tries to come in. He failed at this on our flight from Chicago to Vienna but that is another story for another time.)

I forgot to mention the most important reason we cannot be separated on an airplane: I must have the arm of the person next to me available for digging in my fingernails should it become necessary. So, you see, I need him.

I sat down and waited; The Sweetheart sat down sort-of-across-but-not-exactly-from-me.

Here they came. A couple, about our age, early 50’s I would guess. It took all of three seconds to realize we were not going to get along.

I am allergic to B.O. Terribly allergic. How is that possible you ask? Do I break out in a rash? No. But I do have trouble breathing maybe to the point of hyperventilating if I am in the room, just the same room mind you, of someone with Body Odor. This was no normal body odor. It was body odor times two. You wouldn’t have recognized it by sight either; they looked like fairly educated people but obviously did not believe in either bathing regularly or odor controlling products that you can get OTC at a reasonable price. Today, you can even make your own without all the added chemicals and mercury!

I looked at The Sweetheart who was all smiles because a young attractive girl had taken the seat next to the window, next to him. I tried to give him The Look to let him know all was NOT well.

I whispered. That didn’t work; he couldn’t hear me.

I tried just mouthing the words, with extreme exaggeration and eye movements, “THEY. HAVE. B. O.!”

“What? I can’t hear you?”

“B.O.!! It’s bad!”

He finally caught on as did the two women behind him who were chuckling at this point.

I was doomed. At least eight hours with Pig Pen and his wife who had just taken off her shoes and put on the dirtiest I-think-they-used-to-be-white socks I had ever seen.

She was settling in for the long haul.

The only good thing? A seat between us. I’m sure, by looking at me, they were as happy as I was because I couldn’t refrain from using some sort of clothing mask. I already had my collar pulled up to one side of my face and was pretending as if the fragrance of my fabric softener was so pleasant I might want to do a TV commercial. I doubt my subtlety was working but I didn’t care. If someone was going to flaunt their stench so that an entire airplane had to suffer then I must take drastic measures. I had to protect myself, my stomach, my watering eyes and especially my breathing apparatuses from giving out on me in my time of extreme need.

At this point, all of my Essential Oil friends are asking, “Where are THEY?” Unfortunately, on the return flight, I had packed them in my checked baggage. I know, right? Never again will I board a plane without Thieves or Stress Away!

Finally, I resorted to praying. (You knew I would try to make this spiritual didn’t you?) It went something like this:

Dear Lord, I wondered if you would do me a favor? I know it is a first-world problem and I have much to be thankful for. But if you could see fit, before this plane takes off, to bump me to First Class I would be forever grateful. If you think I am being overly dramatic, how about just sending a slight rushing wind to blow continually to my right for this overseas, extremely long flight? Okay, I will take anything at this point that gets my mind off of the fact that I could close my eyes and easily assume I am in a men’s locker room. After the game. Thank you in advance for anything you can do. Amen.

Thankfully, I believe He heard my prayer. Somehow it did get better and I eventually settled down to play Angry Birds and read a good book and hope that the in-flight meal didn’t contain any meat products. Of any kind.

The day before, we had flown out of Malta, in the Mediterranean, after three weeks of teaching and training in that beautiful island country. Here are a few more pictures if you have missed any of my posts. Gozo, Comino and the Blue Lagoon were absolutely amazing!

The moral of this story? It has a second part! Tune in tomorrow, same Bat time, same Bat channel for the conclusion with the story from the FIRST flight. (Update! You can read Part 2 here!)

 

The Daniel Fast Devotional is still going strong! This week I was privileged to be a part of a podcast interview on the Apostolic Informer with Host Rob Barrow. He allowed me to talk about the book, how it came to be, what is a Daniel Fast, etc. and even give away a book or two. Folks, I don’t do well listening to my own voice, yikes. But Rob is doing a great job getting information on district happenings within the UPCI for Indiana and beyond. Take a listen here and get your copy of The Daniel Fast, A Devotional, today!

Sharing with Sunday Stillness, Weekend Brew, Dance with Jesus, Happiness is homemade, Making your home sing, Good Morning Mondays, Inspire Me Monday, Mama Moments Monday, Living Proverbs 31, Modest Monday, UNITE, Titus 2sday, Testimony Tuesday, Homemaking Linkup, A Little R & R, Wedded Wednesday, Happy and Blessed Home