She was in the ladies room. The Cracker Barrel ladies room. Dolly Parton’s I’ll Be Home With Bells On was blaring from the speakers overhead. Washing her hands and trying to get the dust off her coat, without looking up, she said,

“I just hate Christmas, don’t you?”

My heart just sunk. This 70-something attractive woman was hurting badly. Reaching out as best I could, I stood in a busy bathroom and listened to her story:

“My husband died in 1998, I lost a son five years ago and then in November I lost my best friend, my miniature dachshund, Dottie Sue.” This little companion was the love of her life and constant friend and traveling buddy.

She talked on and on about how hard Christmas is when you are alone, how you wish it would just go away and didn’t I feel the same? “How am I going to get through it?”

We kept getting interrupted and moved around and out of the way but I continued listening, consoling, encouraging and reminding her of the wonderful memories she had of those she loved. I was so touched by her pain that I had tears in my eyes as well.

My phone was ringing from my purse, I was meeting up with someone to transfer a precious package, I answered it once and we continued talking and then it rang again. This time, although my call was less than ten seconds, she squeezed my arm, said, “Thank you” and took off. I tried to follow her but the crowd coming in prevented me from grabbing her and by the time I reached the dining room I didn’t see a sign of my hurting friend, nor in the parking lot.

What did it all mean? Why would the Lord send someone to me that I couldn’t help? And what else could I have said, before she bolted, that would have made a difference in her hurting heart?

I felt such failure, defeat and disappointment that day. I have pondered it ever since and I guess if anything, it has taught me a great lesson.

Christmas brings memories for everyone but they are not always happy ones. So what can we do in gatherings of friends and family? What do we say when someone is sad, lonely, missing a loved one or even a pet that is no longer by their side?

We just listen.

Someone who will sit and listen to those who are hurting is a rare thing. Most of the time people are too busy or they just don’t know what to say and avoid the uncomfortable. But the one with the broken heart may just want to share about their loss or their feelings, just as my friend in the ladies room wanted to talk about Dottie Sue. She knew I couldn’t fix it, she knew I couldn’t bring back her tiny friend and she knew I couldn’t make her pain go away.

But maybe, just maybe, in some small way, she was a little cheered up because she was able to share about the one she loved and missed so much this Christmas season. Her eyes would light up when she would tell me of her best friend’s puppy-like antics, even though Dottie Sue was 17 years old. She was even smiling a little while recalling the good times she had with the dog, her son and her husband. (Remember, the furry friend had only passed away three weeks ago.)

If you do nothing else at your holiday gatherings, seek out the one who is in the corner, watching the festivities. Or the one who is biting their lip to keep the tears from flowing. Perhaps it is the one who you know has suffered much this past year but is trying hard to not show it and “spoil” the day for everyone else. Go give them a hug, a squeeze on the hand, an “I love you”, and maybe even sit down beside them and ask, “How are you doing?”

There may be tears, but you have allowed them to share and you have shown you care. And the tears are healing balm to a hurting soul! If they don’t want to talk about it, respect that too and don’t push. Some people will not want to become emotional in public and some are just private. But many will appreciate you not ignoring their pain at this normally happy time.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18.

You are the hands and feet of Jesus at Christmas, the most wonderful, and to some the most stressful, time of the year. He reminds us that He didn’t stay a baby but He gave His life on a tree for all of us, redeeming all who would take on His name. It is then our responsibility, our mission, to reach out, to love, to comfort, encourage. Remind them of the hope beyond this “veil of tears” and that one day Jesus will wipe ALL of those tears away and we will be reunited with those we miss so much.

So, what would Jesus do?

Jesus would listen. Jesus would love those that say they hate Christmas…and they really don’t hate it, they are just hurting. Don’t ignore their hurt and don’t ignore them just because you don’t feel you can say the right things. Just be there, just listen and just love like Jesus.

Of course we don’t just fast in JANUARY, but it is a great start to your New Year. GET your copy of The Daniel Fast Devotional. Available in paperback and Kindle.